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Indiana's Parenting Time "Nightmare Before Christmas"

12/4/2012

19 Comments

 
AUTHOR’S NOTE:
The following article was written prior to the 2013 revisions to the Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines, which included a complete revision to Christmas holiday/vacation parenting time. Please see the article above, or use the link below to the IPTG, for the current division of holiday time and additional holidays added and removed under the IPTG.
Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines - 2017 Revised Edition
​
​

It’s that time of year again. People run all over town to do their Christmas shopping, to decorate their homes, and attend holiday parties to spread cheer among their friends and themselves. However, this is also the worst time of year for lawyers, parents, and most importantly, children, because of what is known around our office as "Indiana's Parenting 'Nightmare before Christmas.' "

A number of years ago, some brilliant (and I say "brilliant" both literally and sarcastically) people put together what is known as Indiana's "Parenting Time Guidelines" (guidelines that apply in all legal custody cases to assure that children have frequent and meaningful contact with each parent). Although these are to be utilized as "guidelines," they are far from it. Many lawyers give copies of the guidelines to their clients without guidance on how to apply them, and the clients (or those who act as their own counsel and search the Internet), utilize the guidelines as the Bible of Parenting Time; no exceptions, no deviations, no thought or consideration to the consequences of how they affect who the Guidelines are suppose to protect: the children.

Although the parenting time guidelines provide guidance on many issues (most of which should be common sense), the one area that creates the most confusion for clients, and often times lawyers, is the portion that addresses Christmas Parenting Time for parents with their children.

Christmas Break is supposed to be a time when children are happy with the expectation of gifts, seeing family and friends, and most importantly to them, not going to school. However, the revolving door contained in the Christmas Break provisions of the Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines create not only a nightmare for children, but a nightmare for parents and attorneys alike.

My practice is primarily based out of Porter County, Indiana. Porter County has six school districts, most of them on the same Christmas vacation schedule. However, due to the Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines and how they cause children to be bounced around during their two-week Christmas break, the nightmare occurs for parents and attorneys who must get out calendars, calculators, slide rules, iPads and many other devices in order to simply figure out how the children are going to be shuffled about during their Christmas vacation.

The confusing (and oftentimes, disastrous) pertinent parts of the IPTG provide:

D. HOLIDAY PARENTING TIME SCHEDULE
2 B. Christmas Vacation.
One-half of the period which will begin at 8:00 P.M. on the evening the child is released from school and continues to December 30 at 7:00 P.M. If the parents cannot agree on the division of this period, the custodial parent shall have the first half in even-numbered years. In those years when Christmas does not fall in a parent’s week, that parent shall have the child from Noon to 9:00 P.M. on Christmas Day. The winter vacation period shall apply to pre-school children and shall be determined by the vacation period of the public grade school in the custodial parent’s school district.

2 C. Holidays.
In years ending with an even number, the non-custodial parent shall exercise the following parenting time:
[1] New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day. (The date of the new year will determine odd or even year).
From December 30th at 7:00 P.M to 7:00 P.M. of the evening before school resumes.

Huh?????

Based upon Indiana's Parenting Time Guidelines and the main school districts of Porter County's vacation time, as well as the majority of the other school districts in the State of Indiana, the once-deciphered guideline schedule for division of children causes the following "bouncing" to occur:

(Last day of school: December 21, 2012 - School Resumes: January 7, 2013)

Custodial Parent:
(a) Friday, December 21 from 8:00 PM until Tuesday, December 25 (Christmas Day) at 12:00 Noon, and
(b) Tuesday, December 25 at 9:00 PM until Wednesday, December 26 at 3:00 PM, and
(c) Sunday, December 30 from 7:00 PM until Sunday, January 6 at 7:00 PM.

Non-Custodial Parent:
(a) Tuesday, December 25 (Christmas Day) from 12:00 Noon until Tuesday, December 25 (Christmas Day) at 9:00 PM, and,
(b) Wednesday, December 26 at 3:00 PM until Sunday, December 30 at 7:00 PM.

*** THIS ALSO APPLIES TO PRE-SCHOOL CHILDREN AND IS GOVERNED BY THE SCHOOL DISTRICT IN WHICH THEY RESIDE***


Pack your bags, kids... and leave them packed until New Year's Eve because you and your suitcases will be travelling between Mom's house and Dad's house more in the next few weeks than a steamer trunk traveled the Atlantic Ocean.

Now, don't be fooled by the phrase in the Guideline "One-half of the period... ." This year (odd or even... this break counts as an "odd") provides for the custodial parent to have the time from December 30 until the night before school begins, so in actuality, the custodial parent has the children 13 days compared to the non-custodial parent's 6 days; one of which is 9 hours on Christmas Day.

Five back-and forths in a short period of time? That makes a lot of sense. Yet parents don’t care. If I had the proverbial nickel for every time in my nearly 30 years of practicing Family Law that I heard, “It’s MY time, I want it!” I’d be sipping scotch on the rocks on the beach outside my house in St. Maarten. But I don’t have those nickels, I don’t have a house in the Carribean, and already, the phone calls have started asking “When do I get my kids for Christmas?”

Thank God the scotch is readily available this time of year, even if the nickels and beach house aren’t.

Wait a minute... isn’t the “Holiday Season” and the associated break from school suppose to be for the children? Isn’t that a time when they are suppose to be happy and having fun? Santa, snow-persons (politically correct, I believe), movies, junk food and sleeping in?

Nope! This is another excuse for misguided parents to jab at one another, cause needless and unwanted turmoil, and drive their lawyers crazy with fights over “She’s getting 12 more minutes than I am” or “My family always celebrates on Christmas Eve and he won’t let me have them.” On and on it goes... where these parents will stop, nobody knows.

Indiana has a draft of “revised” Parenting Time Guidelines that is floating around in limbo. They’ve been circulated for nearly nine months, but for some reason, can’t be/haven’t been adopted. Why? Because the professionals who know what’s best for children can’t agree on what’s best for Indiana’s children. Sound familiar?

If they are ever adopted, the Christmas Vacation merry-go-round may finally come to an end. The mystery draft has the following solution to ending the constant back and forth:

B. Christmas Vacation.
The Christmas vacation shall be defined as beginning on the last day of school and ending the
last day before school begins again. Absent agreement of the parties, the first half of the period
will begin two hours after the child is released from school. The second half of the period will end at 6:00 p.m. on the day before school begins again.
Each party will receive one half (1/2) of the total days of the Christmas vacation, on an alternating basis as follows:
1.In even numbered years, the custodial parent shall have the first one half (1/2) of the
Christmas vacation and non-custodial parent shall have the second one half (1/2) of the
Christmas vacation.
2.In odd numbered years, the non-custodial parent shall have the first one half (1/2) of
the Christmas vacation and custodial parent shall have the second one half (1/2) of the
Christmas vacation.
3. In those years when Christmas does not fall in a parent’s week, that parent shall have
the child(ren) from Noon to 9:00 P.M. on Christmas Day.
4. No exchanges under this portion of the rule shall occur between 9:00 p.m. and 8:00
a.m., absent agreement of the parties.

New Year’s Eve and New Year’s day shall not be considered separate holidays under the
Parenting Time Guidelines.


A little more simple? Absolutely. Less suitcase mileage? Finally! Will parents still find ways to fight about the breakdown of time and count their minutes to make sure the other parent doesn’t get a few seconds more? Most likely. Will lawyers still have to deal with parents arguing over the amount of time they demand over the Christmas holiday, even though most of the parents will still have to go to their own daily job and not be able to actually spend any extra time with their children after all (oh no... here comes the “First Right of Refusal” fights!)? Sadly, yes.

As Family Law attorneys, it is our job to help guide our clients through rocky times. However, we can’t properly guide them if we don’t explain the road map we give them; simply handing them a copy of Parenting Time Guidelines and saying “Read the book... Good Luck!” is not enough. On the other hand, if the road map we give them is so confusing and leads to more hazards than assistance, it’s the responsibility of the drafters of the revised guidelines to get them finished, get them approved, and make them simple enough for everyone to understand and apply.

The solution to Indiana’s “Nightmare Before Christmas” can be solved with a few simple steps that end with the same conclusion:

1. The new Parenting Time Guidelines that appear to address a more reasonable division of the Christmas Break need to be approved NOW; keeping in mind, not what’s best for the parents, but what’s best for the children,

2. Parents need to AGREE on how to divide the time their children have off from school for the holidays, long before December 20 each year; keeping in mind, not what’s best for the parents, but what’s best for the children,

3. Family Law attorneys need to better explain the Guidelines to their clients and not just hand them a copy, wish them well, and send them on their way; keeping in mind, not what’s best for the parents, but what’s best for the children, and

4. Drafters, attorneys and parents MUST realize that the Christmas Holiday Break, as well as all other parenting time, is a time for the children. Petty differences over minutes and overnights should be put aside... THAT is what is best for the children.

The drafters of the new guidelines need to act quickly in making their final revisions. Lawyers need to provide input as to what we see in the field as reality, not what "studies show" or "other states have done... ." The Indiana Supreme Court needs to promulgate the new guidelines as soon as possible so holiday issues have more clarity and resolution in 2013. But most importantly, everyone involved in the Family Law field has to realize that quality parenting time does not equate to hours, minutes and overnights with a child. Quality parenting time is what is done during the time a parent and child are together. As soon as attorneys, at the commencement of a case, start advising their clients to look at the parent's time with their children as a precious commodity, instead of “time of possession,” everyone will be better served, especially the most important people of all... the children.

19 Comments
Amanda
12/19/2012 02:23:18 pm

I cannot believe this revision has not been put into place yet. Some parents really do try to do what is best for the children while the other does not... I'm very interested in finding out when this revision is passed.

Reply
MWC
1/5/2013 04:01:25 am

January 5, 2013:
From @mwc44: Indiana Supreme Court adopts Revised Parenting Time Guidelines effective March 1, 2013. http://t.co/aSm9lKSf

Reply
Jeff Gomers
12/15/2013 05:36:59 am

So if my X-wife just decides to keep my kids every Christmas eve night for the last 5 years that's ok and she gets away with it because the County police wont do anything about it. So another Dads Right thing that needs to be looked at..

Reply
MWC
12/15/2013 11:37:03 am

Jeff: First, police should NEVER be involved in the transfer of children during parenting time exchanges. It sends a bad message to the children about the police and often times scares them, and there's nothing the police can really do. They handle criminal matters and try to settle minor civil disputes. Parenting time exchanges don't fall into either of those categories. Second, the article you're commenting on is from last year. The IPTG were revised as of March 1, 2013 and Indiana has now adopted a different parenting schedule for the Christmas school breaks. This year, the non-custodial parent should (depending on your existing order) have Christmas Eve AND Christmas morning. If you feel that this will not occur, you should contact your attorney immediately, as most school breaks in Indiana start this Friday. Good luck!

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Tamara
5/24/2015 05:38:52 am

I fail to see where the courts have any business deciding what is best for the children. I feel as though each case brings new circumstances and should not be lumped in to one whole. Forcing visitation can be just as devastating as no visitation at all.

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Sarah
11/21/2015 04:24:01 am

Then you must also fail to see how we need the courts to put away criminals for crimes they deny committing when there is proof otherwise. You are contradicting yourself. You said every case has different circumstances that should not be lumped into one whole. That is exactly why the courts get involved. It is their business to defend the parental rights of an individual that calls on them for help because their ex won't allow them their parental rights. When parents get divorced, and one of them thinks everything has to go exactly how they say it has to go, thinking the other parent should only see the child when they allow them to; that is taking away the rights of the other parent. (and in my opinion a perfect example of using your child) That's wrong, and cruel! Some parents want to rant and rave "I want my rights!" those people usually fail to have the mental ability (because they are so worried about themselves instead of their kid) to realize they aren't the only one with rights. Also of course every situation is different! DUH! That's why they are called "guidelines" and not "laws". In a lot of cases I would bet my paychecks for a month that If you really looked closely at most cases it's not forcing visitation it's just not letting one parent manipulate the situation. It gives some teeth to parents that get pushed around and dictated by someone they've already divorced. When all they want to do is be parent not a door mat or punching bag for their ex when they are in crappy mood! It becomes the courts business when one person takes another person's rights away.... That's unlawful! I'm sorry, but your comment is very unintelligent!

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Richard Dix
11/18/2015 08:03:03 pm

The truth of it is that law enforcement officers are a bunch of Dick Slaps when it comes to visitation interference. They do nothing to issue citations for interference in Illinois. The only way you have a chance to prove interference is by designating the exchange at a police station a filing a copy to the police department via certified letter. Send the visitation attention to the police chief for distribution to all the shift commanders.

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Kris
4/24/2016 05:00:34 am

I do not like these guidelines! My divorce decree states we go by them. OMG! They are not 100% clear my ex clearly doesn't understand them either its a constant fight! When you have a child who is 3/4 yrs old the guidelines dont consider they can still attend school. Somewhere in there is no visitation that extends over 8 days? Does the visitation weeks begin on the custodial parents Sunday and go through the following Sunday? When they are attending a school that has a balanced calendar even at the ages 3/4 do the 4 weeks of visitation include Christmas break, Spring Break and so on? These issues are just not clear to me! Sorry just my 2 cents.

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Kris
10/14/2016 10:41:34 pm

I would also like to know that answer to the above question..... We constantly fight over this and its just stressful for everyone! And just adding my 2 cents but when my 4 yr old who I have primary physical custody of....is basically raised by me goes to his fathers house or g'ma's house for his week or weeks/ or even every other weekend...he comes back just irritated and stressed. I believe its hard on him to be shipped off at such a young age for any amount of time. Its like he has to learn how to act once he is home. Not to mention he wont leave my side for several days once he is back home! Now tell me where this makes any sense.

Reply
Rachel
10/31/2016 11:34:08 am

I see where you would be frustrated, and please don't take thus wrong, but are you encouraging your 4 year to go and to have fun and talking about it with enthusiasm? Because if you are irritated with the situation they will sense it and it will put them on edge... even the tone of your voice. Idk the exact guidelines for that age I've not had to deal with it at that age luckily and I'm sure it's confusing but if the non custodial is following what is their right even if the child doesn't "want to go" Because there are no games or Internet or cable or whatever reason (unless dangerous to their health) you have to encourage they go and get "meaningful" time at both households... kids are a lot like dogs... if you talk to your dog like they are about to get a biscuit for catching a Frisbee when he poops on the floor he will think he did good and be happy like your voice sounds... where as if he does good and you say it in the same tone you use to swat him in the behind with a newspaper for chewing your shoes he will think he's in trouble and you're not happy. Kids pick up on stuff way more than parents realize. If you encourage the visits and are happy toned yet he/she still shuts down when they come back to you then I suggest therapy ... not long term ... or a mediator like a pastor you trust or something just to sit down and see if there might be more going on... Goodluck Kris

Ann
5/5/2018 05:16:43 pm

What if the custodial parent takes the child out of state for the first while week of Winter Break, including Christmas Day. This leaves the noncustodial parent with no “Christmas” time at all. In our case, my husband asked that in the following year, he be able to have his daughter on both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day since his ex will have her for both this year. She said that is unreasonable. Are we missing something?

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Sarah
5/10/2018 10:12:27 pm

The custodial parent is being unreasonable. Unless you have a scheduled agreement for holidays that is different from the guidelines, agreed upon by both parties, in writing, and/or signed from a judge through court than you have just lost meaningful time with the child/children. On Christmas break you should get every other first half of the break which typically includes Christmas Day and Christmas Eve. Now if the custodial parent has the first half (including Xmas day) the non custodial parent gets to have the child/children from noon till 9pm on Xmas day. Again unless agree otherwise by the parents. Then visa versa. Furthermore neither parent is supposed to leave the state with the child/children without informing the other, and cannot do so if it interferes with scheduled parenting time of the other parent without their permission. Plus now she doesn't even want to make it right and make the time up to you. I would take her to court therefore you will have court documents of her taking time away from you with the child/children, and she will be found in contempt of court for not following the agreed upon guidelines. Then be ordered to make that time up to you. These things could continue, and it's in your best interest to hold her accountable with documentation to prove it happened. That way if it does continue where she takes time away from you you could ultimately have a very good case to take custody. She does have the right to do that if that is your scheduled time. (Refer to your original court signed agreed scheduled time to know for sure) Non custodial parents have rights too, and the custodial parents tend to forget that just wanting everything their way. Not just or fair! In my opinion the more you allow these types of situations to go on without holding them accountable for their actions then the more they will pull that kind of stuff.

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ray allen
7/6/2018 05:27:47 pm

I put together a four panel chart for custodial/noncustodial parents for odd and even years to lessen conflict with my ...ex-wife.

I also sent the chart to the Indiana Supreme Court suggesting that it be posted on the states website to make it easier for parents to determine which holidays they get to celebrate with their children in either odd or even numbered years.

I did not receive a response, which indicates that I was ignored solely because I do not have a Juris Doctorate.

Reply
MWC
7/7/2018 07:21:37 am

Ray:
This article was written prior to the 2013 revisions to the Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines, which included a complete revision to Christmas holiday/vacation parenting time. Please see the article above it, or use the link to the IPTG in that article for the current division of holiday time under the IPTG.

However, you are not entirely correct on the Supreme Court ignoring your suggestion. Whenever there is a major change in any family law “guideline,” comments and suggestions are solicited from both the bar and the public. Unfortunately, it is not advertised as well as it should be. I can’t say if your suggestion was reviewed, however, it doesn’t hurt to offer it again and ask for a reply, or ask to be notified if another revision is contemplated.

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Jane Arnold
3/20/2019 08:20:27 pm

I am the sole legal physical primary custodial mother of my 11 year old daughter. Her non custodial father gets visits. He gets to make the summer schedule. In the guidelines it states the parenting schedule can be consecutive or split in 2 segments? What does that mean? Like every 2 weeks rotating and does 2 segments mean 1 month home and 1 month there? Her father is making the schedule however he wants, hes making it unevenly and splitting im in 4 different parts. He's also mixing our holidays together with each others visits.I told him that wont work but he doesn't care, he tells me too bad. Can he do this or does he have to follow the guidelines like I'm pretty sure he does? The guidelines say half the summer, but hes making the time more than half. Thank you.

Reply
MWC
3/22/2019 09:18:43 am

Jane,
You present a number of potentially correctable issues that would need to be discussed in a formal attorney/client environment. I would strongly suggest you contact an attorney as soon as possible to arrange an appointment to have these issues addressed prior to the commencement of your daughter's summer recess. Best of luck in reaching an amicable resolution.

Reply
Tiffany brown
12/9/2021 08:19:41 am

What if my divorce agreement states NO extending parenting time, his weekend is weekend prior, 1 child has year round therapy (school) and he refused to have them for Christmas at all (wakeup in morning etc)

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Jose Hicks link
3/18/2023 11:42:03 am

The revolving door contained in the Christmas Break provisions of the Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines create not only a nightmare for children, but a nightmare for parents and attorneys alike. I truly appreciate your great post!

Reply
MWC
3/22/2023 01:24:39 pm

Jose,
Thank you for the kind words. This article was written prior to the 2013 revisions to the Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines, which included a complete revision to Christmas holiday/vacation parenting time. Please see the article above it, or use the link to the IPTG in that article for the current division of holiday time under the IPTG.
At least now, the huge nightmare is over.
MWC

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